Tag: long post for ts

[txt: Bone head] I’m bored [txt: Bone head] And I’d like for you to entire me [txt: Bone head] So let’s play a little game


[text; Jaded] I’m so flattered you’re texting me cause you’re bored. much love to you too

[text; Jaded] ok, Jigsaw. shoulda guessed. if anyone was ever gonna start a real-life version of Saw, it’d be you

[text; Jaded] tell me what it is and i’ll tell you if i’m feelin obliging


[txt: Bone head] … I’m not as needy as you think, mister. So there.

[txt: Bone head] Me trying to burn a hole into you with my mind is going to turn you on? Prepare to be turned on a lot whenever we’re together.

[txt: Bone head] Pretty cocky for a man who I only JUST said agreed to be his damsel.

[txt: Bone head] I’ll make sure to wear something nice and tight every single day then.

[txt: Bone head] I’m sorry, but if he ships Daisy and Gatsby, consider him already zombified! I simply will not STAND to be in the presence of somebody who thinks they belong together! As your damsel, I would hope you’d side with me in this…

[txt: Bone head] No, I’m calling the man who’s dating somebody a few years older than his daughter a perv. As for your hand on my ass- yeah, I got nothing. It’d just be nice.

[txt: Bone head] Good.

[txt: Bone head] I’m interrupting this conversation to say that tv just said ‘have you got wood?’ So I’m pretty sure it’s the TV that’s the perv…

[txt: Bone head] Well you make it easy to want to stay around… So… Yeah.

[txt: Bone head] Oh, yeah. You. The dark horse. Daisy, Luigi, you. Hmmm… How will I ever decide between a flighty, cheating ditz, a pixelated plumber, or 6 feet of tattooed attractive man… Really difficult here.

[txt: Bone head] Looking for an excuse to what?

[txt: Bone head] Yeeeah, I don’t think that probably turned out too well. You probably pissed off a lot of people. For the record, my hair REALLY doesn’t do well in the humidity, so I won’t be a happy camper in hell. Even if you are there with me.


[txt: Bone head] Oh my god. My head hurts from laughing so hard.

[text; Jaded] you tryin to convince me or you?

[text; Jaded] am I dreaming or did someone say I can make her smile? besides, you say that like I ain’t got that problem already 

[text; Jaded] stop fighting this and let me live happily ever after, damsel

[text; Jaded] okay but have fun getting your ass tickled by a ghost

[text; Jaded] you don’t even know what he ships thouuugh. I remember him mentioning a Jordan? he liked Jordan. does that make him non-zombie? is she good? don’t make me choose between my damsel and my… god. what the hell is Jude. heir? he’d be mad if I called him a princess so sure we’ll go with that. he’s my heir now. don’t make me do that


[text; Jaded] idk sometimes that works on Callie still. sometimes.

[text; Jaded] …the hell’re you watching? stop watching porn. it’s very undamsellike and I will not stand for it unless I’m right there beside you then maybe it’s ok?

[text; Jaded] you can punch me later for this but you’re so fucking adorable

[text; Jaded] I dunno. We both know Luigi would make you happier. I can’t compete with his sense of style. it’s okay to admit it

[text; Jaded] you’ll see

[text; Jaded] yeaaaah. ever been caned before? that shit hurts. worth it. so when and if we wind up in hell, I should first worry about your hair lookin okay?

[text; Jaded] ……

[text; Jaded] while you’re in your room thinkin bout the things you’ve done, put on a cone of shame while you’re at it


[txt: Bone head] I’m bored [txt: Bone head] And I’d like for you to entire me [txt: Bone head] So let’s play a little game


[text; Jaded] I’m so flattered you’re texting me cause you’re bored. much love to you too

[text; Jaded] ok, Jigsaw. shoulda guessed. if anyone was ever gonna start a real-life version of Saw, it’d be you

[text; Jaded] tell me what it is and i’ll tell you if i’m feelin obliging


[txt: Bone head] ‘keep your hands to yourself’. Is that what you call it? 😉 And yes. Yes I am greedy. I will admit fully and without shame.

[txt: Bone head] My glower will strike fear into your soul

[txt: Bone head] … Ok. As long as you don’t need that distress part, I guess I can be your damsel.

[txt: Bone head] Oh, well if your basement is cooler than his entire mansion, then OBVIOUSLY you’re the man I need to be with. Forget Luigi. You’re the one for me, Samson, that’s all there is to it.

[txt: Bone head] If he ships Daisy and Gatsby, I will chew his face off until he changes his mind and sees the light.

[txt: Bone head] Mmhmm. You’re a perv. NOW we don’t ever have to talk about it again.

[txt: Bone head] … Yeah, I do, I trust you.

[txt: Bone head] I will judge how I fell about this star AFTER I get it and judge whether or not it’s good enough. So we shall wait.

[txt: Bone head] You made it a lot better actually. That was actually… Damn near perfect. All teasing and joking aside, thank you, Samson. For helping to settle my nerves, for saying you were nervous meeting Callie when she wasn’t your kid. Thanks.

[txt: Bone head] Ewwwwww, you like dirty piercings. You’re weeeeeeird.

[txt: Bone head] You’re right, Luigi and Daisy. I can decide who I’m more over the moon about.

[txt: Bone head] I look nothing like a hippie, you’re wrong and I’ll kick you in the shin.

[txt: Bone head] … I’m interested in a guy who’s a bigger badass than I am. Though, I’m pretty sure qualifying you as a badass for torching a bible makes me morally bankrupt.

[txt: Bone head] Like F.O.I.L. Got it. Also, bible stories have never seemed more interesting to me. Whores and death?! Hell yeah!

[txt: Bone head] … I have to earn a visit to your bedroom?

[text; Jaded] if I wanna keep my “complete gentleman” card, uh, yeah. patience is a thing, miss needy. now you’re makin me contemplate the benefits of makin you wait

[text; Jaded] naw but if it makes you feel bettter, it’ll probably turn me on

[text; Jaded] about time you admit it. been that along, so ha

[text; Jaded] yeah, yeah, sounds nice and all but if you kill me for my basement like you were gonna do to him, I will haunt your ass. especially if that ass is wearin something nice. tread lightly

[text; Jaded] …you’re gonna eat my best friend? I knew it would happen. this. this is where I draw the line. you zombie-ify my friend and I will never forgive you

[text; Jaded] you’re calling the one whose hand you’re demanding be on your ass a perv? tsk. you make this so easy

[text; Jaded] good. I trust you too.

[text; Jaded] I can’t believe I actually pulled something off without making it worse. what gets me is that you’re still here, so… thanks back.

[text; Jaded] I am so not. I am the most normal person ever 

[text; Jaded] Meeee. It’s me. That’s the answer you’re lookin for.

[text; Jaded] you do that. I’ve been looking for an excuse

[text; Jaded] I mean, sure. we’ll go with that. I’d say more like “stupid kid who wasn’t thinking of consequences” but sure. Badass. Like that better. As for you, you’ll be fine. if you go to hell, I’ll come find you and it’ll be like old times. Just… y’know. Hotter. 

[text; Jaded] I don’t know what that is, but I’m guessing math so yes, yes, like that. Man, just you wait. Dirty stuff abounds if you know where to look. Just don’t expect happy endings and it’ll be great

[text; Jaded] naw, you have to earn seeing it. if you’re in my bedroom, ha. no. you can look at the painting afterwards. but again, first you gotta earn it

[txt: Bone head] I’m bored [txt: Bone head] And I’d like for you to entire me [txt: Bone head] So let’s play a little game



[text; Jaded] I’m so flattered you’re texting me cause you’re bored. much love to you too

[text; Jaded] ok, Jigsaw. shoulda guessed. if anyone was ever gonna start a real-life version of Saw, it’d be you

[text; Jaded] tell me what it is and i’ll tell you if i’m feelin obliging

[txt: Bone head] Thank you! God. I’m upset I had to ask for something like that, but I’ll forgive it this time

[txt: Bone head] ……… My glower will be harsher. Feel it?

[txt: Bone head] Uh, you saying you’re not supposed to be the damsel in distress implying that IIII am? Wanna take this opportunity to adjust that statement?

[txt: Bone head] I’m gonna make you get ‘tiny fun-sized fairy creature’ tattooed on your ass if you call me that again. Understand?

[txt: Bone head] What? I can’t be married to him and take you as my lover? Goddamn it, Samson! WHY do you insist on ruining my best laid plans! I was gonna kill him off so I get the mansion could live there with King Boo. I understand if it’s too painful to watch me marry somebody else though.

[txt: Bone head] If Jude thinks Daisy and Gatsby should’ve ended up together, I dislike him already and I’m sorry for that. But there’s no getting over a disagreement like that. We’re simply too different.

[txt: Bone head] Excuse me while I laugh myself to death that you’re starting something up with somebody not myself older than your daughter.

[txt: Bone head] For the record, I feel like we’re at a point in this thing where I know you, the kind of person you are, your character, whatever to say that I’m pretty confident that you’re not the kind of person I think would hurt me. So, don’t feel like you have to reassure me that you won’t. Because I don’t think you will. Yeah. That’s all.

[txt: Bone head] Preeeeeetty sure I was promised a gold star, guess I can settle for a pink one though.

[txt: Bone head] It’s not that I don’t like it. It just worries me a little. Never really had a guy in my life in this capacity and him have kids. It’s other people to think about, ya know? I mean obviously you know they’re your kids. Like its this weird combination that it’s kinda cute that she asks about me? But also an ‘oh shit’ that she asks about me.

[txt: Bone head] I know I might be saying the wrong things or whatever, I just feel like when it comes to them I need to be honest with you that it makes me a little nervous. I mean, kids are involved here and I don’t know. I just don’t wanna fuck anything up when it comes to them? I don’t know. I don’t even know if I’m making sense actually…

[txt: Bone head] Everybody needs that mental image. I think it’d be warning for people to not get them then.

[txt: Bone head] Hey, you don’t ship Daisy and Gatsby. As far as I’m concerned, I won’t hate you now.

[txt: Bone head] III am not a hippie. I was raised by hippies. It’s different.

[txt: Bone head] Not like an idiot. That’s fucking impressive. I mean, I’m pretty sure I’d get burned if I even touched a bible. But to actually memorize parts of it? Forget about even understanding it. Honest, I’m actually impressed.

[txt: Bone head] You’ll have to show me next time I’m over.

[text; Jaded] ain’t my fault I was raised to keep my hands to myself. know what? I think you’re greedy. that’s the real problem here

[text; Jaded] a little bit. be more effective in person though

[text; Jaded] no, cause if one of us has to be in a pretty dress, I’d rather it be you. lose the distress and be my damsel

[text; Jaded] …yes, ma’am

[text; Jaded] You can try, but I’d hate to kill the only ghost friend I have. besides my basement is cooler than his whole mansion so joke’s on you

[text; Jaded] you’re gonna have to talk to him about that cause idk what he thinks. he’s all about that romance shit though so I’m sure you could find some agreement between the two of you 

[text; Jaded] I take back everything I said and let’s never mention this again

[text; Jaded]  you trust me?

[text; Jaded] you take your star and you love it. I demand it

[text; Jaded] I get it. it’s why I wasn’t gonna say it. I know how it sounds and I know how it probably feels to hear it, but I know kids too. especially mine. I’m not saying you’re not special to her cause in some ways, you are. but in Mita’s eyes, you’re a friend. like when Callie brings boyfriends home? she asks similar things. 

[text; Jaded] so what I’m sayin is there’s no pressure. no right or wrong. you’re not her mom. she knows that. I know what I’m doing, and you can’t fuck them up. even if you could, I wouldn’t allow it. and honestly I was nervous as fuck when I met Callie too cause back then she wasn’t my kid but for me, that feeling went away. even if it never does for you, that’s fine. as far as I’m concerned, me and you are separate from you and them so I don’t think ever want you to think you’re obligated to be more than that

[text; Jaded] …did I make things worse or better? there’s not really a handbook for this kind of thing 

[text; Jaded] Nope. I always kinda had a thing for certain piercings and you ruined it like a jerk

[text; Jaded] you really are in love with daisy, damn. cuts me to the core. it really does

[text; Jaded] yes yes you are not a hippie. you just look like one, that’s all

[text; Jaded] seeing as I’ve literally torched a bible in front of a bunch of evangelicals when I got pissed off, I think I win the unholy war between us. and don’t be. it’s like learnin a math equation. if you had to learn it, you’d remember it too. besides, it’s like fairy tales kinda? except with prostitutes and dying but ya know

[text; Jaded] only if you earn it

[txt: Bone head] I’m bored [txt: Bone head] And I’d like for you to entire me [txt: Bone head] So let’s play a little game



[text; Jaded] I’m so flattered you’re texting me cause you’re bored. much love to you too

[text; Jaded] ok, Jigsaw. shoulda guessed. if anyone was ever gonna start a real-life version of Saw, it’d be you

[text; Jaded] tell me what it is and i’ll tell you if i’m feelin obliging

[txt: Bone head] You may just be the most gentleman-liest man I’ve ever started something up with. It’s throwing me off actually. If you could be just a little more misogynistic and demanding, that’d really put me at ease here

[txt: Bone head] … I’ll let you get away with calling me Fishy on occasions with little more than a glower when you do it.

[txt: Bone head] Really? Because I think it’s a really intriguing idea. But whatever. If you aren’t willing to conduct this experiment for science purposes…

[txt: Bone head] I was not talking about wood in that sense. I said redwood. It’s a kind of tree. I cannot help if you’re a perv. That’s entirely on you, stop trying to drag me down to you’re level. And I am not remotely tiny. If you MUST imply that I’m short, I prefer fun-sized. Like how candy bars are described.

[txt: Bone head] I never said Luigi WASN’T a badass. But Mario is such a douche attention seeking hog that I’m surprised Luigi got the opportunity to get his own game. I’m not buying the fact that Mario stepped aside enough to let that happen. I’m talking about them like they’re real people, fuck.

[txt: Bone head] I like Gatsby dying alone with no real friends and being rejected by the woman he was obsessed with and stalked. It had been years since they’d seen each other, he created this fake life around himself, told countless lies to build himself up, and interrupted her life for nothing more than to try and win her over. She’s a fucking person, not a trophy to be won over by wealth and power. Daisy had a husband, a daughter. She had a family and a life and he tried to interrupt that, destroy it, for his own selfish gain because he’s a prick.

[txt: Bone head] I feel pretty strongly about Daisy and Gatsby…

[txt: Bone head] I’ll just have to get on Callie’s good side too. And I’m not above bribing if need be. She’s a kid. How much can her crossing over to my side really cost?

[txt: Bone head] … So if/when I try to walk away, should I be intimidated or…?

[txt: Bone head] It better be a big one. The star I mean.

[txt: Bone head] Specifics please. What kinda things does she ask?

[txt: Bone head] Besides, if a person has them and then gets with somebody who has them, the idea of getting stuck together is absolutely horrible.

[txt: Bone head] I’m actually really enjoying this and feeling like we’re learning a lot about each other. If you’re starting to run out of things though, we can stop after this.

[txt: Bone head] ….. You’re named after a guy in the bible?….

[txt: Bone head] I’m gonna say #1 is the lie. If you’re named after a guy in the bible, you’ve probably been made to read those verses. If you didn’t out of curiosity yourself.

[text; Jaded] I’m so sorry. where are my manners? next time I see you, I’ll smack your ass for the principle of it

[text; Jaded] you do that anyways, Fishy ❤

[text; Jaded] it’s like I’m in a romance novel and you’re the hero sent to debauch me away from my chaste ways. I’m not supposed to be the damsel in distress between us but fine. yes. I give. try me

[text; Jaded] I know it’s a tree. Thank you for reminding me. and I will not apologize for my perverted ways when you brought it up, tiny, fun-sized, fairy creature

[text; Jaded] I think you’re completely in love with Luigi, and that’s cool and all but I just want you to know I will not be attending your wedding due to my personal objection

[text; Jaded] ….or maybe you’re in love with Daisy

[text; Jaded] while I’d love to debate this with you, it’s been years since I read it and I ain’t doing it again when there’s no time. you should talk to my friend Jude sometime. he knows that shit like the back of his hand

[text; Jaded] I just think it’s really fuckin funny how you call Callie a kid when she’s not much younger than you, so excuse me while I laugh myself to death

[text; Jaded] well fuck. it depends what you mean. I ain’t gonna hurt you if you do, but I’m not gonna let you go. hypothetically. I’m stronger than you. a lot stronger. so if you try to fight me off, I can stop it. if I wanna. dunno. is that intimidating?

[text; Jaded] it’s… pink? kinda small but don’t that make up for it?

[text; Jaded] you’re gonna not like it but she does this sometimes. she did it to my friend when she started comin over too so please don’t freak out over my kid being weird. dating policy means she’s intrigued by a woman in her life cause she ain’t allowed to know about them in mine. i mean, you know. you didn’t know about her until.. yeah. but she knows about you now so it’s… questions. you want some specifics, fine. she wants to know if you’ll spend the night and if she can help me make you breakfast. if I braid your hair. if I hold her while she goes to sleep like I do to her. and worse things but you get it

[text; Jaded] …I did not need that mental image

[text; Jaded] I mean, I ain’t running out. I just don’t want you to get bored. or find out shit that makes you hate me or something 

[text; Jaded] I keep forgetting your past, hippie girl. my bad

[text; Jaded] mmhmm. I had to memorize most parts of it anyways so I could recite it when they wanted it. when it comes to the lovely Samson, the passages were intriguing when I got older because they were relatable in some ways. I’d like to think I’m not as fucking blind to intentions as him so I still try to keep it in mind honestly. could probably recite most of it to you on the spot like an idiot

[text; Jaded] I also kinda might have a painting of him in my room. it’s too pretty not to have. but anyway. yes. you got it. go you.