[text; Jaded] I’m so flattered you’re texting me cause you’re bored. much love to you too
[text; Jaded] ok, Jigsaw. shoulda guessed. if anyone was ever gonna start a real-life version of Saw, it’d be you
[text; Jaded] tell me what it is and i’ll tell you if i’m feelin obliging
[txt: Bone head] ‘keep your hands to yourself’. Is that what you call it? 😉 And yes. Yes I am greedy. I will admit fully and without shame.
[txt: Bone head] My glower will strike fear into your soul
[txt: Bone head] … Ok. As long as you don’t need that distress part, I guess I can be your damsel.
[txt: Bone head] Oh, well if your basement is cooler than his entire mansion, then OBVIOUSLY you’re the man I need to be with. Forget Luigi. You’re the one for me, Samson, that’s all there is to it.
[txt: Bone head] If he ships Daisy and Gatsby, I will chew his face off until he changes his mind and sees the light.
[txt: Bone head] Mmhmm. You’re a perv. NOW we don’t ever have to talk about it again.
[txt: Bone head] … Yeah, I do, I trust you.
[txt: Bone head] I will judge how I fell about this star AFTER I get it and judge whether or not it’s good enough. So we shall wait.
[txt: Bone head] You made it a lot better actually. That was actually… Damn near perfect. All teasing and joking aside, thank you, Samson. For helping to settle my nerves, for saying you were nervous meeting Callie when she wasn’t your kid. Thanks.
[txt: Bone head] Ewwwwww, you like dirty piercings. You’re weeeeeeird.
[txt: Bone head] You’re right, Luigi and Daisy. I can decide who I’m more over the moon about.
[txt: Bone head] I look nothing like a hippie, you’re wrong and I’ll kick you in the shin.
[txt: Bone head] … I’m interested in a guy who’s a bigger badass than I am. Though, I’m pretty sure qualifying you as a badass for torching a bible makes me morally bankrupt.
[txt: Bone head] Like F.O.I.L. Got it. Also, bible stories have never seemed more interesting to me. Whores and death?! Hell yeah!
[txt: Bone head] … I have to earn a visit to your bedroom?
[text; Jaded] if I wanna keep my “complete gentleman” card, uh, yeah. patience is a thing, miss needy. now you’re makin me contemplate the benefits of makin you wait
[text; Jaded] naw but if it makes you feel bettter, it’ll probably turn me on
[text; Jaded] about time you admit it. been that along, so ha
[text; Jaded] yeah, yeah, sounds nice and all but if you kill me for my basement like you were gonna do to him, I will haunt your ass. especially if that ass is wearin something nice. tread lightly
[text; Jaded] …you’re gonna eat my best friend? I knew it would happen. this. this is where I draw the line. you zombie-ify my friend and I will never forgive you
[text; Jaded] you’re calling the one whose hand you’re demanding be on your ass a perv? tsk. you make this so easy
[text; Jaded] good. I trust you too.
[text; Jaded] I can’t believe I actually pulled something off without making it worse. what gets me is that you’re still here, so… thanks back.
[text; Jaded] I am so not. I am the most normal person ever
[text; Jaded] Meeee. It’s me. That’s the answer you’re lookin for.
[text; Jaded] you do that. I’ve been looking for an excuse
[text; Jaded] I mean, sure. we’ll go with that. I’d say more like “stupid kid who wasn’t thinking of consequences” but sure. Badass. Like that better. As for you, you’ll be fine. if you go to hell, I’ll come find you and it’ll be like old times. Just… y’know. Hotter.
[text; Jaded] I don’t know what that is, but I’m guessing math so yes, yes, like that. Man, just you wait. Dirty stuff abounds if you know where to look. Just don’t expect happy endings and it’ll be great
[text; Jaded] naw, you have to earn seeing it. if you’re in my bedroom, ha. no. you can look at the painting afterwards. but again, first you gotta earn it